"...let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up..."

The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up.  The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now.  They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.  ~Dave Barry

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So…if you know me at all,  you know Monday is CLEANING DAY!!! And this was a very special cleaning day because Kenneth had  a [bittersweet] day off too! YAY! That means I have help!!! :D :D

Yeah, not so much.

I decided we would split up the rooms, he would take a few, I would take a few. I already knew the rooms I wanted to do:

·         Kitchen

·         Livingroom

·         Guest room (that I’ve been using for a project).

I wanted him to do

·         bathroom (I remembered when he lived with his mom his job was to clean the bathroom and he always got it spick and span.)

·         bedroom

·         Man Cave

He initially agrees and I start cleaning the kitchen…I get the dishwasher unloaded, reloaded, I’m starting to clear of the counters, readying the floors for mopping and he comes in and says…”I want to switch rooms. I want the kitchen for the bathroom…”  I’ve got the hard parts done in the kitchen, but OK…I’ll trade. I start to point out all that has to be done… “you have to wash these dishes by hand, you have to put the blender and crockpot under the counter, sweep the floor…” he rolls his eyes, with a quick “OK, yeah, yeah, I’ll do it.”

So I move to the bathroom, clean the tube, the toilet, sort the laundry from the basket, clear off the vanity to scrub it down and here he comes with this goofy grin… “I want to trade back…”

My eyes could not have rolled any farther back in my head.

Uh. No. I’m almost done…AGAIN! You traded for the kitchen, you keep it. I finish the bathroom and move on to the living room (where I have dumped all of the clean laundry I had no time to fold and hang during the week) and start my work.

From the Living room, I get a good peek at the kitchen and there is NO movement in there.

Did you know Ken was magic? He can clean a room 10 feet away with a couch stuck to his butt! I will have to learn that one.

I explained to him, when I’m done cleaning and sitting and watching a movie you will NOT want to clean. So just start and before you know it, you’ll be done!

I move back to the living room to continue working on Mount Laundry and Ken comes in with a goofy grin (that I have seen one too many times today).

(We have a portable dishwasher-that uses the kitchen faucet). “Kim, I had to start the dishwasher, so I can’t clean the dishes in the sink!” Really? Well, guess what? The sprayer thingy still works….SPRAY THEM! I honestly have never seen him more defeated.

A few minutes later, I go check and he’s still trying the couch-on-butt trick. Wow, he will not give up on this trick until it is perfected! And how can I compete with The Degrassi marathon? [multiply this times 5, and it was my day]

So, I end up doing:

Livingroom
Kitchen
Bedroom
Bathroom
Laundry

To Kenneth’s credit, the Man Cave with the flat screen tv was IMMACULATE-never, ever cleaner.

Getting Back on the Horse; Facing the Giant; Confronting my Fear; Returning to the Scene of the Crime...I'm back on the trail!

After my experience on Tuesday (10/12/10), I knew I had to go back to the trail ASAP before I created a bigger fear-monster than I could handle. My first chance was today...we went on a "moderate" trail called "Bluebonnet".  I knew I could handle this one since it was just me, Evelyn and her friend, Christen. 

My heart rate was high (from fear as much as walking fast) and I jumped at every sound, but… I DID IT!

I still can't believe the very real fear I had this week, (warranted or not) that I might be facing imminent death (this would be more from the snake than my inability to keep oxygen going to my vital organs). 

(I didn't mention in my last note or blog that the paramedics told me the reason my arms and hands went numb was because I was hyperventilating the whole way, both from fear and exhaustion. When you hyperventilate for a long period of time your body is not getting all of the oxygen it needs and begins to reserve oxygen for your vital organs. Your legs and arms will begin to go numb from this. SO WEIRD!! God created our bodies in such a cool way...glad it didn't go on too long though.)

Anyway, I am really trying to figure out what lessons I can learn from this. I think I need more time to think about it. One major thing is....I can do WAY more than I thought I could. Barring snakes, spiders and darkness, I probably could have made it back on that difficult trail...butt in hand, but completed nonetheless.  I  may be selling myself a little short.

This is one of my favorite quotes (from my quote file)... “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

~Marianne Williamson I SOO get that! At some point I did think... "...who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?"  I have always wanted to be those things. but they did not belong to me. These things were reserved for other people-anyone! Just not me. In the “About me” section of this blog, I refer to the “blonde-haired, blue-eyed” 7, 8, or 9 year old little girl... When I think about myself, now, in any capacity, I flip-flop between this image of myself, as the 7 year old innocent, puritan, blondie and the 8th grade rebel-without-a-cause that took over to sabotage the life of that little girl. The 7 year old “me” envisioned the "future Kim" as beautiful, well-liked, (let’s not forget) skinny woman who was a source of unending happiness for her parents, took care of her man and the line of chicks that follow behind (I saw myself with about 10 kids)…all by 24. When I think of that little girl, I can’t help but reflect on the ways life did not offer her what she expected, but more importantly, the ways in which I disappointed her.  I am 32, now. It has taken me until recently to discover something so impactful that it might just force to me to forgive that stupid 8th grader (with a delayed capacity to “get it together”) that seems to linger somewhere inside me.  The TRUTH is this: God was the one with the plan for me. NOT the 7 year old.  *pause and reflect*  -_- God had it all laid out. I have everything the 7 year old "me" envisioned: the husband, child, the life. I'm still working on a few things and it took me 8 years longer than expected on some...I've even had my butt handed to me...a few times! ...I just chose the “difficult” path on more than one occasion. Thought I would die, got tired, but that difficult way taught me ALOT and I can't be sad about that.

Here's my looooong story...

OK, soooo this is slightly embarrassing and at the time I really was afraid for my life. So, though at times I have been accused of being "dramatic" it was very surreal and still can't believe I put myself in this position but, here it is...

[Starting last Saturday...]Evelyn and I tried out some nature trails, we went on a 1.5 mile trail that starts and ends on the parking lot where we parked our car. The trails are labeled "easy", "moderate", and "difficult". This trail was "moderate" and though it wasn't easy-lost my breath along the way-it wasn't out of my league. We made good time and I felt good after doing it....

>>Fast Forward to yesterday (10/12/10) 6pm. I decided to take Kenneth and Ev and try the trails out again. We decided to go on a different "moderate" trail. About .8 miles in there is a fork in the road-one way leads to a "difficult" trail, the other continues as "moderate".

It was still light out, it was an additional 1.5 miles but we made really good time on the .8 miles so, we decided to go "difficult".

The first steps in to this difficult trail are very steep "stairs" made from logs and pebbles-step in the wrong place and you go sliding down the side of this hill (which happened to Kenneth). Passing people on their way back through the trail with hats, walking sticks, backpacks and hiking boots did not deter us....(I have Antoine Dodson in my head singing "you are so dumb, really really dumb fo real"). We kept going down, down, down...This was no easy trek, "difficult" means "DIFFICULT"!! We know at the end of our trek is a pond so at every corner we are looking for a pond, listening for water....it seemed like a never ending trail and I was getting worn out! The sun was starting to go down and we FINALLY made it!! We were SOOO excited! We had done it! Ok, now, where's our car? We are so ready to go!

We see a sign. "2.2 MILES TO PARKING". We were supposed to be at the parking lot!

"WWWWHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? x's infinity.

Kenneth starts explaining we have no choice now, we have to book it-the sun is setting fast and once it gets dark there are NO lights around and we will be walking the trails in the pitch dark with no flash lights or protection.

{Did i mention the signs along the way that say "Beware of Copperheads and rattlesnakes?}

With our "want to" burned out, we turn to our "have to" and start the trail back to our car.

At this point I started to panic on the inside..., I hear the highway and suggest we cut off the path and head toward the highway-at least we'd have light and be on a real road! But that was not an option. I was already at my maximum physical capability limit (so I thought) on the way too the pond-I did not think I could handle another 2.2 miles on this trail. Not to mention...on the way TO the pond we were going DOWN, so what way do I have to go now? UP! Up these makeshift stairs that were 2 feet tall each. Each step was a waist high step and I was exhausted!

Every few minutes I would sit down and take a break. I would get to breathing so hard trying to go up these dang stairs I couldn't see straight. I would see spots and then I started not being able to feel my arms and hands. This scared me. I thought I was going to die of an unknown heart condition and I would be a news story tonight.

I just kept Kenneth and Evelyn to keep moving and I would catch up with them. I would sit, catch my breath then race up as many stairs as I could with as much energy as I could muster and I went through this routine multiple times as EVERY corner we turned had more stairs to go UP. I felt that they would NEVER end.

At this point, we are still at LEAST 1.5 miles from the end of the trail and I am feeling beat up and it is getting dark faster and faster. At dusk all of the tree spiders are starting come out and make their webs that are 6 feet wide and between the trees we are walking through so (no lie) EVERY tree has a new spider web and we are walking through it. which has got us ALL freaked out. Kenneth is leading the pack with a "stop drop and roll" approach to EVERY spider web he walks into (accompanied by a panicked scream) which freaks us out even more! OMG!!!

So as we are walking trying to DUCK every spider web above our heads I look down...in between my feet is a BABY RATTLESNAKE!!!!!! (Just as poisonous as their mommies, FYI). I scream "SNNNNAAAAKKKKE!!!!" and we all book it! A few steps later there is a BLACK WIDOW crawling right where I'm stepping and my hopes are crushed that I will ever make it out of this jungle alive because I NEED TO SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!!

If I sit down (which I feel like I have to do to keep from passing out) I will be bit my a snake or spider! 911 can't even help us at this point. We don't know where we are or how far we are from the end.

So, here we go up more stairs, with snakes and spiders waking up and crawling among us and darkness taking over....I start getting hysterical. Crying and telling Kenneth I CANNOT GO ANY FURTHER. I'm just going to die here.

He keeps telling me, "come on, we're not far..." to which I replied, "you don't know where we are!!" He tried pulling and pushing and nothing was going to get my legs that feel like lead up those stairs.

After total exhaustion, on the brink of passing out, no one around, I told him to call 911 I'm not going to make it. I was terrified to sit down but I had to. He just kept trying to talk me into getting up and moving on but I couldn't. So, I called 911. I kept moving, but I called. I told them what was going on but they didn't know about the nature trails or where we were. 3 transfers and descriptions of landmarks later, they found the nature trails.

They informed Kenneth they were waiting at the END of this trail, but we are still 1 mile from the end!

I'll cut to the chase...I lived, I was traumatized, but I lived.